If you forgive me
by AmyHale
Summary: "But through all this I swear I still loved you. Until the day I got shot. I heard you screaming my name, I saw your face, I felt you kissing my lips and caressing my hair. But all I could think of was her. Addison. My Addison."


**A/N: Mer and Der are friends in this story. I like them as friends. The song I got inspired by is "Best I ever had" by State of Shock. Actually I got inspired by an Addek video with this song, so please go watch it because it's really amazing.**

"Derek's miserable." Meredith said, watching him rubbing his eyes sadly as he walked through the hospital. "See, he looks like a ghost."

Cristina and Lexie glanced at her. "Well, maybe it's because he left you and now he's starting to realize he did a huge mistake." her sister said.

"Guys, _I_ was the one who broke up with Derek. And I do not regret it. It was the right thing, since we fell out of love and all. I still love him, but in a friend way. So does he, I think. When I told him it was over he looked relieved."

"If you don't regret it, then why do you care if he's miserable?"

She ignored Cristina, and made a mental note that she'd talk to him later.

_**x**_

"I know you feel a little uncomfortable around me, and in the beginning I felt that way too, Derek." the man looked up only to see his ex-post-it-wife standing on the doorway of his office. "But now it's been almost three months since our breakup; I let you be but now I can't anymore. I want to be your friend, the friend I couldn't be before because I loved you. You love her, Derek. I know it and you know it, and it's about time that she know as well." Meredith crossed her arms on her chest, she walked in and closed the door behind her.

For some moments, he felt like he couldn't catch his breath. Then, the world started to appear different, more colored. He stared intensely at the woman, making eye contact, until he finally spoke. "That's why I didn't pick you the first time around. Why I didn't sign the divorce papers, and stayed with her despite the affair she had with my best friend. That's why it hurt so much. I wrote a love song for her, Meredith, I made vows at our wedding, but I didn't keep my promises. I told her innumerable horrible things and yet she was willing to love me. It was Christmas, our favorite time of the year, and I told her you weren't a fling, that I loved you. And it was true, but she didn't deserve to be treated like a piece of garbage or an obligation. Then I cheated on her, like she had done to me. And in that moment, when I understood that she _knew_, I heard my heart break. When she left, I wanted so bad to love you. But I stopped, little by little. A piece here, a drop there. When I was setting everything up to propose to you. She called me because of her brother. She said 'Derek, I need you'. When our friends sang our song and she looked at me like I was still the one she loved more than her own life. But through all this I swear I still loved you. Until the day I got shot. I heard you screaming my name, I saw your face, I felt you kissing my lips and caressing my hair. But all I could think of was _her_. _Addison_. _My_ Addison. And you have no idea how guilty I feel for doing this to you, Mer. I woke up in the morning and wished I could drive to her house."

Meredith gave him a small but sincere smile. "Go get her, Derek."

_**x**_

He drove and drove, always smiling, imaging her red hair and her long legs. He barely stopped to eat and use the bathroom, and when he arrived to California he finally allowed himself to sleep on the hotel bed and have a cold shower. He shaved, ran his fingers through his hair and smiled at himself in the mirror. He felt ready.

She was watching the black waves of the sea, cuddled up in the sand, thinking about how much she liked that place. Suddenly, someone appeared in front of her, holding some red roses in one hand and a box of chocolates in the other. She always loved red roses.

Her ex-husband was walking towards her, smiling happily, like a light in the night. She watched incredulous as he sat down next to her, placed a soft kiss on her cheek, squeezed her hand. She asked him to talk with her eyes.

"Hey Addie, I'm here to say I'm sorry and ask for a second chance." he said.

They talked for hours that night, a lot of words that surrounded them in a cloud of love and sweetness. He told her about his dreams that she populated, about how he and Meredith had softly fallen out of love. He told her they both had to thank her, because she was the one who made him decide to go. She told him how she never stopped loving him, and about the hope she still had in her heart. About the baby she wanted when she first came to Los Angeles, and how she couldn't become a mother. He answered they'd try other ways. She said she loved him, he said it back. He apologized and, in the end, she accepted to give it another try. 'Our love is worth it', she said.

_The end_

**A/N: I read a lot of angst Addek today, and I desperately needed fluff. So when I watched that video... I started writing in the middle of it.**


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